Wednesday, February 17, 2010

it's been so long! my very own quiet little corner of the internet. it seems that way, doesn't it? this page is so dark, and quiet and lonely. sort of like me, i suppose that's why it's mine. nothing too terribly exciting is happening, just the olympics. oh the olympics ... i'm a fan, but not too much of a fan. there are strange sports that i didn't even know existed, and are so boring to watch. i'm so happy the olympics are here at home. and i'm so sad about the death of the luger from Georgia. i had to force myself to watch the run, and i got goosebumps. it was so emotional, and i'm so sad for him and his family.

i've been writing a lot, lately. more than normal. i had a wonderful story idea pop into my head, it's a bit of a story about how i wish my life was. it's quite beautiful. full of travel, and heat, and discovering ... a bit of mystery, lots of people and some moments of love. i'm quite passionate about it. my desk has papers with scribbles all over them, and although the disorganization drives me crazy, it's alright. perhaps i could publish this someday. that would be wonderful. what a dreamer am i.

my throat is scratchy, and its snowing. i love the snow. but i love the heat. i love the idea of heat. i am so fair and freckled, sometimes the heat turns me raw and pink. i had a slushie today, and i didn't think it was at all strange. but my friend is visiting (from new zealand) and he thought it the funniest thing to be drinking a chilled and frozen drink while it was minus five outside. i found that fascinating, how he noticed something that i thought to be simple and regular. differences between people like that interest me.

i think i would like to move to austalia. how would i get my furniture there safely? they're antique and im quite sentimental. and my career plans would never allow a move there. but i want to go there, and live, and photograph.

Friday, January 22, 2010

new leg

oh my, it's been so long. and things have changed, but they haven't really. i am still me, i am still confused, and i am still scared. when all my friends are going away this year, i will be staying behind. i have accepted that, as there is absolutely nothing i can do to change it. i will work hard, and do nothing but school, because that's the only thing that seems to matter. where i want to be in the future, i cannot get there without school.
my room has changed, but only just. i have a new desk, and a new chair that hurts my back terribly. and i noticed that when i was changing my room, those two days i felt terrible. and i realise now that i need stability, and things have to be the same, and i need routine. hmmm ... that makes me wonder about my travelling. hopefully i can travel around canada after university before applying for police college. didn't i tell you? i want to be a detective. it will be wonderful.

i am in my prime. twenty years, i will wish that i could be seventeen again, or even twenty two ... i know i must not waste these years. I'm just haulted for a while, until i can pull myself together, and handle univeristy. i took the bus around my own city, through the university campus and i was amazed. all the students looked so much like me, and they all were walking alone. i saw only a few groups of two people walking. it seemed lonely. as i sat on the bus with them, they probably didn't think for a second that i didn't attend the univeristy. that was nice.