jumbles and

a dream is a wish that the heart makes. how strange, and a lovely thought. my holidays have been sleepy. not the good kind of sleepy, the kind where i'm not tired for days, stay up 48 hours then am suddenly too tired to think. on christmas morning, i slept through opening presents, i came downstairs with only my presents left to open, and i sat and opened them amongst the fighting.
at least i got presents, at least i have a home ... i try to remind myself of the good things, you know? i chugged the champagne, it was wonderful.

from what i remember, my sleeps have been dreamless. and sometimes, i know i had a strange dream, maybe a beautiful dream, and can't remember what it was. i work today. the sudden shock of being jolted out of holiday-mode is very unsettling. again, sleep is what i lust for. and sometimes, i cannot sleep. i have medicine to help me sleep, when i take it, i usually write and the next morning i wake up and read it ... it's so strange. the medicine makes me go a little funny. that's alright, though.

i have nothing to say, really. nothing to write. even on this blog. i have writers block, and that is a terrible thing. i wrote my life as the alphabet, i wrote a suicide note, i wrote fanfiction ... how boring. perhaps i depend on other people's approval too much. when my photos aren't widely recieved, or recieved well ... maybe i'm very dependant.